Stop Talking About Fairness At Work
If you want people to take your concerns seriously, start speaking the language they use to make decisions
Most of us know when we’re having trouble with someone at work - whether that’s a manager, a client, a colleague or anyone else. It’s much harder to make the other person care about how we’re feeling.
Sometimes that’s because the other person doesn’t care or has limited empathy. More often, it’s because companies (and people who are in “work mode”) make decisions through a different lens. While we’re worried about how we’re feeling and whether something is fair, decision-makers are thinking about something else - value.
Over the years, I’ve worked in large organisations, government agencies and now I run my own business. One thing that always surprises me is how many of the skills that help you survive corporate life are exactly the same skills that help you run a business: negotiating priorities, managing expectations, pushing back without damaging relationships and having difficult conversations.
This week I wanted to share one of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received in my professional life when I was dealing with a difficult corporate environment. I still use this strategy today, and I hope it helps you too.
I originally shared these thoughts on Instagram recently. If you'd prefer the two-minute version before diving into the longer written version, you can watch it below.
Learning the right language at work
Years ago, I was venting to a boss about something happening at work. I can’t remember the specific issue, I only remember being frustrated. Something felt really unfair.
After listening to me for a few minutes, he gave me a piece of advice that instantly annoyed me, mainly because I just wanted him to agree with me and tell me he was going to fix the problem. He said:
“When you don’t like something at work, stop arguing about fairness and start talking about value.”
At the time I thought he’d completely missed the point. To me, fairness was the issue. Why would I stop talking about something that was clearly wrong?
However, the more experienced I became, the more I understood what what he meant. Most organisations don’t make decisions using the language of fairness. They make decisions using the language of value.
Every organisation has its own language. Some talk about customer outcomes. Others talk about growth, risk, productivity or performance. Whatever the language, decisions tend to get made through that lens.
Once you start paying attention, you can hear it everywhere: in executive presentations, town halls, strategy documents and even in team meetings. The key words and phrases echo through the organisation. The language that leaders use repeatedly tells you how decisions are being made in very high-level meetings.
How to speak the language of value
Consider the difference between these two statements.
“It’s not fair that my workload has doubled.”
The statement may be true, but when you say it you immediately enter a debate about perception between you and your manager. It may even put them in a defensive position, which forces a “win/lose” negotiation, and you’re probably not going to win that argument. They’ll probably decide the workload increase is reasonable or point out that everybody is busy.
Now compare it to this:
“My workload has doubled over the last six months and I’m concerned that it will affect the quality of service outcomes. Which priorities would you like me to focus on?”
You’ve raised the same concern, but your framing is completely different. You’ve moved the discussion from emotion to consequence. You’re no longer asking someone to agree that the situation feels unfair; you’re asking them to make a decision about priorities.
Here’s another example:
“I’m tired and stressed and it’s not fair that we are understaffed.”
Versus:
“We’re operating with fewer resources and I’m seeing increased risk around what we’re delivering.”
Again, same problem, different language. One argument asks for sympathy while you vent, the other asks for action.
How this works outside corporate
The reason I love this piece of advice is because it also works far beyond corporate environments. I use the same principle in my business.
When a client asks for something outside scope, I don’t talk about fairness or personal impact. Instead I talk about delivery, timelines, priorities and commercial impact.
Let’s say they ask me for more work or to change the scope of a project mid-flight. I know this is going to cost me time, and in my business, time is money. I might say:
“I can absolutely do that. It sits outside the current scope, so I can prepare a revised quote for your approval.”
Or:
“If we add that piece, we’ll need to adjust the timeline.”
The underlying issue is identical, but the conversation is framed around outcomes rather than emotion.
What this does (and doesn’t) do for you
It’s important to note that this approach doesn’t guarantee you get what you want. Some organisations remain dysfunctional and some clients are unreasonable. No communication technique fixes every situation.
What it does do is increase your influence. You’re speaking the language decision-makers already use, which makes it easier for them to understand the consequences of their choices. Yep, if you’re a parent, you can probably recognise that you already do this with your kids.
This is a simple skill that can change your career. It can help you negotiate better conditions, or push back without creating unnecessary conflict. It can help you survive difficult workplaces while you decide what comes next.
Should we forget about fairness at work?
Absolutely not. Fairness still matters. In a healthy workplace we wouldn’t need to translate our concerns into business language just to be heard.
There’s also a difference between navigating normal workplace frustrations and dealing with genuinely unacceptable behaviour. If you’re experiencing discrimination, bullying, harassment or chronic unfair treatment, the answer is to make a formal complaint, escalate the issue or start thinking seriously about whether the environment is right for you.
However, most workplace frustrations sit in a grey area somewhere between ideal and unacceptable. That’s where this skill becomes valuable.
If you want influence, learn the language decision-makers respond to. Learn how your organisation thinks about value, risk, priorities and outcomes.
It won’t solve every problem, but it will give you a better chance of being heard. It’s one of the most valuable professional skills you can develop.
One thing I’m thinking about this week
This week's post was partly inspired by a recent re-read of the classic book Getting to Yes.
First published in 1981, it remains one of the best books on negotiation I’ve come across. If you’ve never read it, I highly recommend it.
One of the book’s core ideas is the distinction between positions and interests. People often reach a dead-end arguing about what they want instead of discussing why they want it. Once you understand the underlying interests on both sides, it becomes much easier to find a path forward.
The workplace advice above follows a similar principle. When we focus exclusively on fairness, we’re often arguing from a position.
When we talk about value, priorities, risk and outcomes, we move the conversation towards interests and consequences. That gives decision-makers something they can evaluate and act on.
Whether you’re negotiating with a manager, a client or a family member, that’s an invaluable skill to have.
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Things I’ve written and made
📖 Do Give Up Your Day Job - Guide to corporate exits and transitions to self-employment
🛒 Track Changes On Shop - Gifts and office merch for corporate rebels